did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
