my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
