I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize