Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i love accidental penises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
