fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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