I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
