Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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