where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
