Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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