go do what you do best...puke behind churches
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
