TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize