I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
