I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So vagazzling was a success
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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