I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
