I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it glows. i had to have it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
