what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
