Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
