This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
