I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
