Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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