yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
