I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
