it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
