I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
