Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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