turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize