Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
