I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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