I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
ttyl tear gas
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
