I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
