She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
