I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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