the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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