I want to have your abortion
your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Still dying that you shit outside
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
