It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
