My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
