in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
