Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
