i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
