I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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