His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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