No stitches, just platelets and will power
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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