when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
