he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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