Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
