When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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