I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
