i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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