He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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