I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
