Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
did i just pee glitter
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
