i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
