I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
