for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize