I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
