I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
