dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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