So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
