Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
