McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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