Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
