Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I need water and some morals
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
