so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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