I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He felt like a one man threesome
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
