Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
