Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
