What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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