I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
