im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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