okay pat passed out under dana's car
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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