dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm both gender and math confused
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize