He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Did I show you my penis last night?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
