dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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