Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
