her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
