fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
