My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I FOUND THE LEGS
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
