Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
