New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
