my soul wont recognize me after tonight
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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