I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
