You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
did you just send me my own nude
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
