..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
