I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
