You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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