He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
