Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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