I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
