I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
