I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize