Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
