That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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