if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
