I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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