yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
